Ask before you advise
Coaching often requires quick instruction. Mentoring creates room for the athlete to explain what they see. Try “Do you want me to listen, help you think through options, or offer advice?” That small distinction can change a conversation from a lecture into useful learning.
A repeatable conversation
- Ask what matters most to the athlete today.
- Invite a concrete example rather than a label like “unmotivated.”
- Reflect back what you heard and check whether you understood.
- Explore two possible actions and their tradeoffs.
- Let the athlete choose one appropriate next step.
- Agree when to review it and what support you will provide.
Example: an athlete who rarely speaks up
Instead of “Be a leader,” ask when speaking feels hardest. They may be uncertain about their role rather than unwilling to contribute. Agree one low-stakes action, such as asking a question during a team discussion. Review how it felt. The purpose is skill development, not forcing a particular personality.
Respect the power difference
If you select the team, award playing time or control opportunities, make those responsibilities explicit. Do not promise that a mentoring conversation has no consequences if policies require you to act on what is shared. Explain privacy limits and provide another support person or reporting route. Follow applicable safeguarding policies for minors.
Build a program that survives a busy season
Start with a manageable schedule. Identify a coordinator, written expectations, mentor preparation, supervision and a plan for missed meetings or ending a match. Peer mentors also need guidance; being a captain does not automatically prepare an athlete to mentor younger teammates.
Use MENTOR’s program framework as a planning resource, then adapt with your organization’s requirements. For learning your own coaching role, see mentorship and apprenticeship.