Let your athlete help define the need
Start with “What would you like help with?” rather than “You need someone to fix your attitude.” An athlete may want help making friends on a new team, speaking up or handling disappointment. Their answer should shape the match. Mentorship is additional support; it should not become a punishment.
Check the program as well as the person
Ask who recruits, screens and trains mentors; how matches are supported; what happens when a mentor leaves; and who receives concerns. A background check alone cannot establish that someone is safe or suitable. Look for supervision, clear conduct rules, transparent communication and a way for the athlete to say no.
MENTOR’s Elements of Effective Practice provides a framework for program quality. A program referring to that framework does not automatically mean MENTOR has endorsed it.
Make interactions visible
For covered U.S. Olympic and Paralympic sport settings, SafeSport’s MAAPP sets requirements for interactions between adults and minor athletes, with defined scope and exceptions. Its current guidance explains the policies. Ask your organization which rules apply and how it implements them.
As a family, agree approved meeting places, communication channels and guardian inclusion before sessions begin. Avoid secret accounts or disappearing messages. Ensure the child knows how to stop a meeting and whom to contact. This site does not replace your governing body’s policy or local requirements.
Support without taking over
- Before: let your athlete choose one topic and write down a question.
- During: follow the program’s supervision and communication requirements while allowing the athlete to speak.
- After: ask “Was that useful?” and “Did anything feel uncomfortable?” rather than demanding a transcript.
- At review: discuss whether meetings are reliable, goals still fit and your athlete wants to continue.
When the relationship is not working
Lack of fit can be addressed through a coordinator or a respectful change of match. A concern about misconduct needs the appropriate reporting process, not a private negotiation with the mentor. If someone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services. Do not promise a child secrecy about a safety concern.
Next: review questions to ask a prospective mentor.